I just played tetris

For the first time since i started my blog i played tetris. and i hated myself for it. all the while i was playing it i was hating myself. At one point i realized i had decided to play tetris specifically because i wanted to upset myself. talk about perverted. doing something specifically so as to become upset. i probably wanted to upset myself to relive the total dull feeling of writing this biology paper. Ugh, talk about terrible.
And do you know whats the worst thing about this perversion of tetris? do you know why i started playing and became good at tetris in the first place? Do you have any idea? I started playing tetris to become closer to my grandpa who died before i could even get to know him. I noticed that the ancient mac in my grandmas basement had tetris on it. the oldest version of tetris imaginable, older than the atri version. On on this tetris every single high score belonged to my grandpa. now I hold one or two spots near the bottom of the high score list.  And now i hate myself for playing tetris.

You can learn some things from playing tetris. For example, it is not a general lack of ability which leads to the loss of a game. no it is one small mistake. one simple misplaced piece leads to a cascade of failures. what is my small mistake in life. my small mistake is playing tetris. dwindle away my time, shirking from life, shirking form all that is good.

Speaking of dwindling time. I slept for 13 hours yesterday. I had much to do so i decided to take a nap. my alarm failed and a i woke up much later than expected. that is not a problem. what is a problem is i stayed in bed. i was not even sleepy. i just felt like staying in bed. i felt doing nothing, just staying on the couch, lying there. no i was not sleepy, i was tired, tired with life. ahhhhhh. that pains me. the fact that i could at some moment be tired with life. i would like to say i am someone with unending vitality but the truth is i am not. and it pains me. Oh well. the truth is you just do what you can. actually you do what you care to. I care. i care to care. and tetris oh tetris is a form of not caring. and i hate myself for that.