I hate tetis

Actually I do not hate tetris, I think it is a fine game. No better than fine. A brilliant game. A game of amazing simplicity and amazing playablility and entertainment. And I am really fucking good at it. No I do not hate tetris. I hate myself for playing tetris. So, I have decided to stop. I have never understood hating oneself. I always heard people saying they hated themselves for this and that reason, blah blah blah. I never understood( I mean I have always hated my voice, but that is minor, and generally I forget about it) and always thought to myself 'I don't believe it, it is impossible to hate yourself'. Now I believe I understand, at least somewhat. Now the question is why do I hate myself for playing Tetris and why have I decided to write a blog. Well I figured everytime I get the impulse to play tetris I will write on the blog.( I realize my thoughts are quite jumbled and scattered and I apologize to any readers for the terrible style. Also I decided whenever I take a tangent from the main theme of the post I will do so in parenthesis. I like tangents. I think in tangents . And I like parenthesis. But, do I even want readers? I don't know. On the one hand no, in many ways I would rather noone read this. On the other hand I don't see the point of writing in a journal to yourself. If you write, it is because you must express yourself and expressing yourself to the void is the same as not expressing yourself. So, I suppose it is important that readers are possible even though I would rather not have any. Now where was I). But why is a blog better than playing tetris. I suppose it has to do with the reasons I play tetris.

I play tetris normally to listen to music and to think. The game requires almost no thought whatsoever so it lets my mind roam while at the same time giving me something to do with my hands and look at with my eyes. Sort of a 'I need to occupy all my senses' kind of thing. In writing a blog , I can do the same, I occupy my sense of touch and sight by typing, I have free reign to think for that's the whole point of writing, to write down my thoughts. On top of that I produce something. Something digitally tangible. And production is a beautiful thing. As to why a blog and not just a journal or a fb note. well that has to do with me not wanting readers and wanting readability(see parenthesis above).

But wait I still have not answered the pressing question of why I hate my myself for playing tetris. If anything I have given arguments as to why I shouldn't hate myself for it: I am ridiculously good at it and I play it so as to let my thoughts wander. I suppose there are two reasons. First off lets take a moment to look at it from the view of an outside observer. Just picture it: For hours on end I am sitting in a chair, not moving at all except for my fingers, staring blankly at a computer screen so as to destroy rows of blocks.(hmm, the thought just occurred to me, should I edit these posts? Obviously I should edit for spelling and some grammar. But should I rewrite or wholly delete entire sections as I read over it before posting. I think ill play it by ear.) Now if that is not the biggest waste of time possibly imaginable, I don't know what is. Still, this reason is unsatisfactory for that is only appearances, the reality of the situation being quite different. Which brings me to the second reason. I will not say the second reason. I do not want to admit the second reason to myself and I sure as hell wont write it down here. It can easily be misinterpreted and I misinterpret it myself sometimes. All I can say is its a powerful reason albeit not founded on sound logic.

Suffice to say I don't want to do an activity for which I hate myself, so now I have a blog. A place to ramble. I like rambling. Lets see how long this lasts.